To Be Prepared

I had a job interview this past Tuesday.

It went well.

Rewind to several hours earlier. My turkey and swiss sandwich from 7 Eleven's refrigerated deli section wasn't tasting as fresh as it looked before I forked over coin to appease my grumbling belly. Better to consume this 4-layered mediocrity now than to suffer embarrassingly loud stomach growls during the interview. It's dry. Good thing I've got this overpriced-for-as-long-as-I-can-remember Starbucks mocha frappuccino drink to wash it down, then. *plop* ← That's the sound of the bottlecap absolving pressure as I twist it counterclockwise. This'll surely keep me pepped and lively during the meeting, I think to myself as I guzzle down half the blend.

Fast-forward 12 seconds. "F#CK!" I glance at my newish analog wristwatch—mint, unweathered, chocolate brown leather bands surrounding a sleek dial with a fascia not unlike a seafarer's compass—while simultaneously fumbling for a nonexistent Kleenex tissue and realize I've only got 10 minutes before the human resources & recruitment manager dissects me like a frog. That leaves me with 5 minutes to do something about my mocha-speckled tie. At this point, the cartoon characters from The Land Before Time animated films would be jealous of my dinosaur skin-patterned neckwear. And Ruby the oviraptor was patterned. This is my nice, shiny blue tie too. The one that's supposed to grab attention better than a hurdler in the winter Olympics. I've got it all planned, you see? Wear the understated, UPS-palette brown dress shirt and waistcoat with khakis combo PAIRED with the creative flair of a blue necktie that pops and I've sold myself to the bidder as one balanced sunnuva bloke.

Well, there goes my pop.

To Be Resolute

It isn’t too late to make your New Year’s resolutions. As long as it’s still January, there’s still time. That means you have just about 4 days to get on the ball. Me? I made my list in the first week of January; I just haven’t thrown them on the net yet for everyone to copy and paste into their own agenda de résolutions. That said, here’s my proverbial slap-in-the-face just in time for those of you who promised yourselves you’d start working out, kept it up for 3 and a half weeks, but are now dropping the [medicine] ball and calling it quits when 2010 hasn’t even seen the February reveal. Shame on you.

Ken’s 2010 Resolutions:

1)  2010 > 2009. A better, richer, more EPIC year than the last.

2)  Improve my credit score.

3)  Become a better golfer.

4)  Make everyone around me on the court a better player. Literally & metaphorically.

5)  Land the JOB.


En garde, 2010!